Getting advice before you become a parent is always nice but here’s the thing, the advice from each person will almost never line up because motherhood is ALWAYS different. It’s different for each mother and as I’m currently learning, it’s even different with each baby you have. You see, you’ll go into it with expectations, that’s inevitable, but those expectations will be the beginning of you feeling like a FAILURE. The first time you see your baby you’ll fall in love. Your instincts will kick in immediately and “you’ll just know what to do.” You’re going to be a supermom and those nurses better not come near your precious baby with a bottle. Your friends will all be there for you. For me, those were all the lies I dealt with on day one of being a mommy. What no one told me was that all of that was ok to feel. I’m no longer afraid to admit that the day my first son was pulled from my stomach I didn’t get that immediate “in love” feeling. What I did feel though was the guilt for NOT feeling it. Even knowing a lot about babies my instincts DID NOT kick in when that nurse came at my baby with a bottle. I cried and told her no when later that day I realized he needed that bottle because he wasn’t even getting colostrum from me. But I had been trained by all the best mommies to not give in to the bottle so even when I knew it was necessary, I still felt like a failure. Then as they grow it only becomes more complicated. You ALWAYS wonder if you’re doing it right, and why your perfect baby isn’t doing the things people say he should be doing by his age just for him to start doing it a few days later. The only thing you can be sure of when you become a mother is that you do what is best for YOUR baby, not anyone else’s! And then, right when you think maybe, just MAYBE, you have it figured out, BOOM life says “here have a second baby. But since you think you’ve got it figured out, this one will be the complete opposite.” With my second son I felt confident until that first day. When my water broke at 35 weeks I thought “no big deal since it happened at 36 weeks with my first.” WRONG, so very wrong. I heard the nurses say “they’re about to pull baby out! Ok, he’s out!” But no cry. My heart dropped as I pleaded for my husband to tell me he was ok. He only weighed 3 pounds 8 ounces and after getting him to breath ok they handed him to me long enough for a kiss and a picture before taking him away to the NICU. It was that fast that I learned I most certainly did not have this baby figured out. I was now a NICU mom but had no idea what that entailed. I quickly learned that it meant he’d be eating through a tube and I wasn’t allowed to hold him. That was only day one of figuring out a new baby. Now he’s almost 3 years old but has numerous specialists and therapists he has to see and is a constant daily battle to feel like I’m doing it right. Every milestone a baby is supposed to hit I have to ignore because mine doesn’t do those things anywhere near the “normal” time for them. I have to accept the little victories that are getting through each day knowing he ate somewhat decent. It’s constant questions from everyone (who just want to understand) that leave me wondering if I really have done everything I could possibly do myself. Until the doctors stop worrying about him, I’ll continue to ask myself every day if I’m doing this “mom” thing right. I’ve learned in two completely different ways that no one can prepare you for motherhood. No mom shares the exact same stories or feelings. What we do all have in common is that we sure do love our babies and deserve to be uplifted for doing our best every single day. So to all my fellow mamas, today and every day, know that you are doing the absolute best job with those babies! And with every smile, giggle, hug, and kiss they are trying to tell you that themselves!
5 thoughts on “Motherhood is ALWAYS Different”
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One thing I’ve learned from talking with other moms is we do all tend to share those same feelings/fears..are we enough? Are we doing a good job? Will my kids be ok? It’s the moms who tend to ask those questions to themselves that are doing a greatest job.
Totally agree!
Another great blog Alyssa! Peace & Love, Mom
I could relate to so much of what you said, including the feelings about child birth, breastfeeding, and the struggles of a premature baby. Keep the blogs coming! I enjoy reading them!
Thank you!