Fearing Myself

Over two years ago was when I wanted to start this blog. I had the idea, put in a ton of work making a website, even wrote a handful of pretty good blogs and then completely stopped. I’ve been telling myself for two years all kinds of lies like “you won’t stick to it so why start?”. Every couple months it would pop in my head, I’d have something I’d want to write about but never brought myself to get out my computer and write it. I was scared of myself. Actually, let me rephrase that, I AM scared of myself. You see I don’t know how long I can stick to blogging or if anyone will even be interested in what I write but sitting here today the only thing that I am sure of is that it will never be great if I don’t get out of my own way and rip this band aide off.
So here I am, making myself and my own mind and thoughts vulnerable. Let’s jump back to two years ago and what made me want to start blogging. I had recently discovered I had a bad case of anxiety and this blog was going to be a way to let feelings out, be able to joke about the struggles of mom life, just be a healthy outlet. Once I began to let the anxiety and depression set in is when I started to give up on this dream of blogging. So, on came the panic attacks. At that point I told myself that I was too messed up to be blogging and just let myself go into a deeper hole that I wasn’t sure how I’d get out.
These days I have a much better handle on my anxiety and depression and almost never have panic attacks anymore. So, while I’ve been mentally feeling “okay” somewhere in the back of my head I keep thinking about blogging. I’m not sure what I will write about all the time. Sometimes it may just be funny things, other times I’ll go deeper into some of my own life experiences, or motherhood troubles. Hopefully I can help someone else out there that can relate to any part of my crazy, messy, beautiful life. And please, if you ever have any questions or comments, I’d love to hear them!