“A rainbow baby is a name coined for a healthy baby born after losing a baby due to miscarriage, infant loss, stillbirth, or neonatal death. The name “rainbow baby” comes from the idea of a rainbow appearing in the sky after a storm, or after a dark and turbulent time.”
The loss of a baby is something no women is ever prepared for and in my experience is one of the most painful experiences to endure. The term “rainbow baby” sounds joyful and every mom who gets to experience a baby after a loss should get to enjoy it to the fullest but there is so much not talked about during this phase of life. Let’s talk about the judgement. See, every mom experiences mom guilt and judgement of some kind but this is just a special kind of torture. After going through one of the hardest things in life do you know what I hear the most? “I’ll never complain about any pregnancy related issues, I’m just happy to have a healthy baby.” Moms that have already gone through enough pain feel like they have to be silent about the “norms” of pregnancy. The nausea, fatigue, etc. For some reason society makes us think that throwing up all day is something we’re supposed to enjoy just because the last pregnancy ended badly. Now don’t get me wrong, those things serve as a comforting reminder that baby is healthy and that really is all we want but in no way does it mean that it’s fun! As a fellow “rainbow mama” when pregnancy gets tough, I definitely take the extra second to pat my belly and have a quick sigh of relief to know baby is doing well but if you ask me how I’m doing I’m probably going to tell you how much pregnancy sucks because well, it does!
On the flip side, and listen carefully because if you don’t already know this you need to. A rainbow baby doesn’t mean that mom is healed of the pain she went through. Let me repeat that, a rainbow baby DOES NOT mean mom is healed of her pain! For some women being pregnant again causes MORE pain. Why? Because a baby cannot simply be replaced. When a loved one passes away would you be ok if they just simply got replaced? Like well, here’s another brother so just be happy again? No! The thing is, every baby is a blessing so even a rainbow baby brings some kind of joy but unless it’s something you personally experience you will never understand what it’s like to look at that baby and think of the one you lost. For me with the two boys I have, I had miscarriages shortly before them. So, part of my pain is looking at my boys I’ve made knowing that had those pregnancies stuck I wouldn’t have these two amazing boys I have now. I can’t imagine life without them but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about what their brothers or sisters would have been like. Rainbow moms simply have more babies to love, some here with us and some watching over us, but we love them all the same.
So, if you know a rainbow mama, take it easy on them. Remind them it’s okay to not love every second of pregnancy. And even if you know a mama who has suffered a loss of any kind who isn’t pregnant again, love on them as well. Remind these moms that their baby they created is loved. Let’s start being a better mom tribe, more love and less judgement because no matter what stage of motherhood you’re in, it brings its own struggles.